This is a letter I wrote in an attempt to better explain to our young ladies why modesty is important. I thought it might also be useful for you.
As summer is approaching and
the temperature is rising I thought it would
be a good idea to address an issue I see come up year after year…modesty. I think it is best to go ahead and take
some time to address this topic up front.
This may help you understand why we have some rules in place about
swimsuits, shorts, etc. The fact is,
this struggle is pretty limited to the girls, so ladies—this is for you. I know for some folks this is a hot topic, so
before you read the following, please stop for a moment and pray.
For a believer modesty is an
important topic. There are several
reasons to consider carefully the way you present yourself, and I will do my
best to cover them with lots of reference to God’s word. Much of this letter is taken from the book Sexy Girls by Hayley Dimarco.
First, if you are a believer,
then you are a representative of Christ.
In Romans 12:1 we are told to offer our bodies as “living sacrifices,
holy (set apart) and pleasing to God.” As
long as we are on earth, our bodies are God’s. They are set apart for His work
and He does care how we use
them. God has also said this about the
issue:
“Likewise,
I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls
or costly garment, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women
making a claim to godliness.”
-1 Tim 2:9-10
Yup, God himself used the
word modestly. Obviously it is important to Him. That isn’t all He had to say about the issue;
as you continue reading, you will see what I mean.
Secondly, we have to
understand a little bit about guys to understand how the way we dress affects
them. Consider this truth from the guys’
mouths. I have talked about it with Pastor
Scott and he can verify what I am about to say:
guys are visual. Very
visual.
You have
heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery”; but I say to you that
everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with
her in his heart.
-Matthew 5:27-28
To us girls this can be a
confusing scripture. In general, we
don’t struggle too much with looking at guys in that way. Not to say none of us do, but it is not as
prominent as it is with guys. Again, I
will refer to the insights I have learned from Godly men I trust: the way you
dress will help or hinder guys’ ability
to abstain from lusting. Yes, they have
a responsibility to take their thoughts captive, but we also have a responsibility
not to be a stumbling block for them (more on that later).
Thirdly, God expects us to
remain pure. You can be totally sold out
on abstinence (which I hope you are) and still be leading guys to sin
sexually. Again, guys are visual
creatures, and you have a responsibility in protecting them from your
body. You can’t control the minds of men
you encounter, but you can help to alleviate the problems they have when
looking at a girl dressed provocatively.
But
among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind
of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy
people.
-Ephesians 5:3
You don’t have to be sexually immoral; you just have to hint at it. When
you get dressed, consider how you look to guys.
If your motive is purity, then think about what it is doing to the
spiritual lives of your Christian guy friends.
Instead of asking, “how little can I wear and get away with?” we should
ask, “how much can I wear and still be fashionable?”
Being in ministry for 14 years
now, I have heard every argument in the book for girls dressing however they
want to. One of the most popular
arguments I hear from parents and daughters is that it is impossible to find
modest clothes because all you can find is what’s in style…and unfortunately
modesty is not in style.
Don’t kid yourself; it can be
done. It is harder and takes longer, but
ultimately it is possible. You can give
up and say it’s not, but that would be a lie.
It is possible—you just have to work at it and not compromise when it
comes to your fashion.
The second argument I have
heard time and time again is that we (girls) are not responsible for what guys
think. Au contraire! I think God
says it best (as he often does) in 1 Corinthians 8:9:
Be
careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling
block to the weak.
But wait, there’s more. Romans 14:21 says:
It is
better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do
anything that will cause your brother
to fall.
Yes, you read it right. We are
responsible to our brother in Christ and his ability to obediently follow Jesus. If eating meat or drinking can cause guys to
fall, how much more can the way we dress, knowing what we do about how visual
guys are? Trust me, this is the #1
struggle just about every guy faces. Actually
you don’t have to trust me; ask one. Not
one of your friends, but a Godly man you trust.
Ask your pastor, your dad (I know that might be weird), or David DuBois-I
promise they will support what I am telling you.
Ultimately, I don’t want you
to do it just so guys won’t stumble. I
want you to do it because you put God’s priorities over your own. I know we all want to look cute. I want to look cute and I want you to look
cute. It is possible to be cute and
conservative at the same time. What I
don’t want is for you to try to be sexy.
Sexiness, like sex, should be saved for your future husbands. I am not saying it is easy, I am just saying
it is worth it and God expects nothing less.
What I’m hoping right now is
that your desire for the perfect image is in sync with God’s plan for your life. He wants you to be sanctified—that is, set
apart from the rest of the world. Not
isolated and shut off from it but different
from it.
This is what I am saying: start being intentional about what you wear. Until now you may not have thought about it
or you may have, but just not in this way.
Now that you have been shown the truth, you can no longer use that as an
excuse.
Walking this road will be
challenging. It will take more effort to
find the right clothes to wear, and your friends might give you a hard time,
but in the end you will be honoring and be honored by a God who rewards those
who do His will.
Ultimately, I understand that
I have no say in whether or not you agree with what’s been presented in this
letter. I
hope that this letter will serve the purpose of helping you make good decisions
on your own. If you need to, post this
somewhere you will see it daily. Show it
to your friends. Talk to me about it. I will be happy to discuss it further with
you.
I love you and want nothing
less then God’s best for you!
Love in Christ,
Amy DuBois
PS: You can find a great video on this subject here:
As always I would love to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment!
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