From the Heart of Students: Dear Mom and Dad

This is the first of many posts that will be anonymous letters from students (that were submitted to me for the purpose of this blog), past and present.   The intention of these letters is for students to share their hearts either because they haven’t had the courage to or because they haven’t felt heard.  I am not editing them (except when necessary for confidentiality), and will not always agree 100% with their point of view.  It isn’t necessarily an endorsement, it is ONLY meant to give parents insight to the hearts of our kids.

Parents beware, these letters might, at times, be hard to read and come from wounded hearts.  I know we all desire nothing more than to be the greatest parents to our children.  In reading these please be encouraged that our God is the God that restores and redeems broken moments.

If, when you read this, something resonates with you, take a breath and listen to the heart of the message.  They are not meant to condemn or shame anyone who can relate to them.  If it applies to your relationships, just allow it to shed light on an area that could possibly use some work.  Look deeper than the words themselves to what they are really saying.  Is it a cry for quality time with you, a desperate plea for words of encouragement, or something else?  I can promise you, NONE of these are specific to one family.  Of the letters I have received so far, I am confident that there are many students and families that can relate.

I will never ever reveal the sources of these letters. I have made that commitment to the students and there would be no point in doing so.  Again, if you think it sounds like your child, instead of trying to figure out if it was or was not, prayerfully listen to what is behind the words. 

Before you continue, please join me in this simple prayer:

God-I pray the words of these students would be met with open hearts.  I ask that you use them to bring light into dark places, and that they would serve as a starting point for healing in restoration in many families.  As we read these words and hear the heart of kids help us, no matter where we are, learn to be better parents.   I know we love our kids, but help us love our kids in a way that it is felt and undisputable in their hearts and minds.  Help us to love them like you do.  Thank you for the opportunity to get a glimpse of their heart.  Amen.

Well, here goes…

Dear Mom and Dad,

Do you remember that time I (specifics removed for anonymity)or that time I (specifics removed for anonymity)? Do you remember what you said to me after?  Well, I do.  Even though you think it wasn't a big deal and that I brushed it off, it really hurt. You call me things like a “f*** up” or “stupid” or a “cry baby,” each time hurts worse than the last. You think I’m tough because I act tough around you, but that is really my cry for help. When I actually told you how you made me feel, you acted like it was no big deal and told me things like “Don’t be dramatic.” You never validate my feelings about things you say or do or other things that are a big deal to me in my life make them worse. Sometimes all I need is you to listen to me and what I am truly dealing with rather than you focusing on the discipline side of the situation. Yes, discipline is absolutely acceptable, but when it comes down to your child feeling guilty, stressed, remorse, or just needing the parental figure that you’re meant to be- Just go for it. You may think that I do not want to talk to you, but on the inside I am begging for your comfort and attention. I may give you the sassiest replies, tell you to get out of my room, and embarrass you in front of my friends, but it is the only way I can cope with 16 years of mental and emotional abuse. Yeah, I said abuse. You may think abuse is all whips-and-chains, but it is not. It is so much more than that, and I have known this since I was a fully aware toddler. Simple things that you have done since then have molded who I am and what I do to this day. I won’t go into detail, because frankly I think you know exactly what I am talking about as these (subtle) memories rush back into your mind. Just know that when you yell, scream, cuss and fight me for giving you an attitude, (specifics removed for anonymity), or (specifics removed for anonymity), maybe you should go back and check what psychological mishaps have caused me to act this way around you, and not my friends. That probably struck a cord, too. I DO enjoy talking and spending time with people that don't treat me like a piece of trash.